"Our Father who art in heaven..." This is how the Lord's Prayer begins. Jesus teaches us to pray this way. It is a huge comfort to me that God is my Father and that Christ invites us to call God our Father, just as He does. Notice that Jesus said OUR Father, not "My" Father. This realization has comforted me throughout my earthly life.
Our human parents are entrusted with our care from the day we are born. Small, helpless children look to their mother and father to meet their every need. We trust our parents implicitly and assume they will love us and care for us. This is definitely true of our heavenly father, but unfortunately, it is not always true of our earthly ones.
These are the most difficult words I've ever written, but I write them, not as a pity party for myself, but to show how the love of Jesus can change the most hopeless heart! If you are a victim of incest, abuse and/or abandonment I urge you to seek hope in the unconditionally loving eyes of the Lord Jesus Christ! He loves you no matter what you've been through! He longs to spend eternity showing you how much He loves you! Do whatever it takes to get the professional help you may need to heal present or past hurts so you can finally believe the truth...that you are worthy of this kind of love. You are!
My earliest memories of my earthly father are filled with terror and confusion. Both my beloved identical twin sister and I suffered unspeakable torture at the hands of our own father for 9 years! A small child can be made to believe that all kinds of adult sex acts equate love when her own daddy forces those acts upon her. The settings for those acts become forever feared. No place in our house was safe! Not the bathtub. Not the toilet. Certainly not the beds! Enormous dread weighed upon my small mind every time bedtime grew near. After I was forced to get in the bed, I would pretend to be asleep. Maybe he'll go away I naively thought. Much to my extreme guilt, I'd wish he'd visit my twin's bed instead of mine. Since my sister and I shared a room, that was horrific too. I'd hold my hands over my ears and shut my eyes tight, trying to block out the pain and shame and then I'd reverse my wish...for it was less painful to experience it myself than hear my sissy cry!
What kind of monster molests his own flesh and blood? It's hard to fathom, but it happens all the time. Thankfully, people talk about it more today. There are hotlines you can call, shelters you can run to, trained professionals who can help children caught in such a nightmare.
My earthly father was not satisfied with the incest, which is horrible enough! He was a very sick and sadistic man. He did his best to make my sister and I believe that we were to blame for his lusts. As such, we deserved to be punished as well. I believe after 20 years of therapy that deep down he hated himself for what he did to his daughters. This self-hatred manifested itself in bouts of tremendous rage. During these episodes of rage, he tried to drown us in the bathtub or strangle us with his bare hands or "hog tie" us so tight, the scars still remind us. I think he wanted to kill us and be rid of the temptation he could not control. But, every time at the last moment, he'd stop, let our head up from under the water or loosen his grasp around our neck just before we blacked out.
I prayed to die! But, God had another plan for me. After my mother finally got the courage to divorce my father, a friend of mine invited me to Vacation Bible School at her church. Thinking about that night still gives me chills! The youth minister spoke in words I clearly understood. He spoke of a love that was foreign to me. Yes, my sister loved me and we clung to each other for reassurance that we were deserving of some glimmer of love and acceptance. But the love spoke of in the candlelight of this church was much different. God's love was all-encompassing, unconditional and only wanted one thing in return. The "love" I knew at the hands of my earthly father had all kinds of conditions attached to it. I had to do horrible things to earn that "love". I was threatened not to tell anyone outside our family about my father's "love". I never dared!
But, this love from God was different! In God's eyes I wasn't a "bad, worthless" girl. His love said I was worthy of it. His love said all I had to do was accept it. I didn't have to do anything to earn it. I learned that God loved me so much that He came to earth to be human, just like me. He was rejected by those He loved, just like me. And He loved me so much HE paid the ultimate price and died for me. I wanted that kind of love! I needed that kind of love to survive! I accepted God's gift of love with arms wide open! You can too! No matter what you've been through. God loves you just the way you are! You are worthy of His love no matter what! No matter what other people have told you! God made you in His awesome image and He wants you for His own. You don't have to DO anything to earn it! All you have to do is believe it's yours and accept it. Do it! It will change your life!
